Your Oldest, Greatest Dream

Written by guest writer, Ashton Ray

At the beginning of this year, when things were what we’d call “normal” and “good,” rather than writing a list of new year’s resolutions, I wrote a list of short and long term goals. The first goal I wrote down was easy, because it’s always been my biggest, greatest dream.

I wanted to write a book.

See, I’d tried this before. Twice, actually. Once in college when a creative writing project took on a life of its own. I wrote about fifty pages of that one before I quit. The next time, with a new idea, I wrote 130 pages before closing the document for what I didn’t know would be the final time. I’ve never been a quitter and I’m not afraid of hard things, but something about writing a book got the best of me. All I’d ever wanted to do was be an author, but it truly seemed impossible.

When another book idea crept into my mind, I welcomed it with caution. I sat with it for a few months, letting it blossom into a full concept with an actual plot and characters, making sure it would stick. I waited for it to tell me that it was a story ready to be told. But, even then, I hesitated. I didn’t want to let myself down again. Then on Sunday morning in late January I went to see Little Women. I wept as I watched a story I’ve loved my entire life be told in a new way. I was reminded of the fiery Jo March and I left the theater crying, inspired by her for what was probably the millionth time.

That afternoon, I started outlining the plot of what I hoped would be my first finished novel. Naturally, I named my heroine Jo. 

On that first afternoon, 3,000 words fell out of my head. A good, strong start. The beginning of a novel. Over the next few weeks I’d write as much as I could, whenever I could. I kept track of my word count and spent my free time daydreaming about my characters. I was giddy with hope that the book would be finished before the end of the year. With trepidation I sent pages to my best friends. When they told me that they couldn’t put it down, that they wanted more, now, I cracked a smile so wide my cheeks hurt. 

My oldest dream was going to come true. I was sure of it.

When the pandemic hit and I was sent home from work, I packed my laptop and my pets and headed to my hometown, which happens to be where my novel is set. I was excited to see how being there would inspire me. I thought, maybe, it’d be helpful for my writing. I was 20,000 words in and had good momentum. Maybe being in Orange Beach would be helpful.

What I didn’t expect, by a long shot, was to finish the book.

At the end of April, weeks into lockdown and an additional 60,000 words later, I finished writing the first draft of a novel. As I typed the last words of my epilogue, I cried. I texted my friends that had been reading along and we celebrated even though we were miles apart, even though the world felt like it was on fire. That moment, sitting in my childhood bedroom, having accomplished this dream I’ve had for so long, was one of the greatest moments of my life. I’ll hold onto it forever.

I accomplished my oldest, greatest dream, in the middle of a global pandemic at that, and it felt like taking a deep breath. The ride since then, in attempting to secure an agent who would eventually sell my book to a publishing house, has been something else, but we don’t have time to talk about that here. What matters is that I did the thing I’ve dreamed of for so long. Despite how hard it’s been since I finished the novel, no amount of rejection can take the accomplishment away from me.

So, reader, I ask you this: what is your oldest, greatest dream? What is that thing you’ve tried and failed at, but still find yourself daydreaming about? Who is your Jo March that will give you the kick in the butt you need to get going? Go find them, whether they’re real or fictional. Let your fears go, just for a moment, and see what great things you can accomplish. I promise, it’ll be worth it.

Ashton Ray was born and raised in Orange Beach, AL. She has a bachelor’s degree in English Writing from Mississippi College and a master’s in English from the University of Alabama at Birmingham. Ashton currently lives in Birmingham, AL where she works as an English Professor for a local college and a Graduation Coach for GEAR UP Alabama. She writes both fiction and nonfiction, always with her goldendoodle Harry and her cat Snape by her side. You can follow along with her adventures on Instagram and Twitter (@ashtonvray), or if you want to learn more about her journey to become a published author, follow @ashtonlovesromcoms on Instagram.